i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
