Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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