like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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