apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
