Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
