I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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