I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
