it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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