I can text with my tongue
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize