She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
