I feel great
I just peed on a car
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
