I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
