every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
