He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
