mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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