I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
