I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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