I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
