She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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