Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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