I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am naked and annoyed.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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