Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize