you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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