im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
