I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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