Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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