he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
