she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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