you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
