The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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