I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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