The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize