I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
