at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
