He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
