dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
