Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
