Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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