I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
