Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
