literally had 100 drinks last night.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
