i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
