I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
