Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
