My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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