She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
