i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
