someone owes me an orgasm
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
