Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
