should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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