you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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