Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
