dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
