Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
