Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
