i will never coherently bang her
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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