I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
