He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
