I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
