so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize