I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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