he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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