apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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