i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
