Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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