you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
