wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
