I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
