i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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