It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I could fuck to npr.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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