fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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