he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
