Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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