I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
