on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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