he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
