I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's shark week go big or go home
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
