My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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