You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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