I'm gonna have a badass scar
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
