When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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