Can Purell be used as lube?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
