yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
