at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
