I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
