you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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