I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
