i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
