I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
