You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
