her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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