Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
