I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
