dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
