Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
