What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
