guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
