Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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