My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I did not marry a roomba.
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