Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
