Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
