Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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