His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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