At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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