woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
