I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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