barbara walters just said penis...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
