So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
