Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
