Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize