My sheets look like a crime scene.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
