i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
